Psychoanalysis

In honor of how much I'm loving my psychology class, I'm going to psychoanalyze myself. Meaning, I have to look at myself and my actions and try to categorize how I'm feeling into needs. Biological, emotional, physical needs. According to the Freudian theory, the most important of these are sex and aggression. So let's start there.

I won't lie now, lets put it out in the open: Yes, that last time I saw B we definitely did some "things." We hadn't in a while, just to keep things simple before he left. But there was a lot of closure and respect, and I know we'll stay close even though he's gone. I'm going to say the need here is sex, even though it's a bit of a stretch, since I actually needed the friendship and companionship.

Also in this category, J. Ryan and Eric Birdman.

Eric Birdman has entered my life again after 2 years of dormancy. Oh lord, do I have a soft spot for that boy. He's just so sweet and simple and artistic, basically the opposite of me? I have no idea what he'd ever see in me. Literal opposites. Found out this morning that he dated L (guard girl) some time ago, and I have a steadfast rule to never date anyone that my friends date. I don't care if you guys were five and it was a joke, if someone has memory of it, I AIN'T TAPPIN THAT. Plus of all people, it's L. I mean, come on, does any guy not fall immediately in love with her? Grr. Anyway, it's definitely "sex" with Birdman. I had a crush on him freshman year, and I can feel all of that coming back. Damn you, drawing classes. (I had drawing with him frosh year too).

JR. I'm trying to keep something alive from last Monday night, but I'm not sure how D feels about him and the whole situation so I don't want to do anything drastic. If she wants to go for that, I will completely respect her wishes as she deserves it more than I do. She sees him more than me throughout the day and has been single for longer. Plus, he'd more likely go for her because....LOOK AT HER. I don't stand a chance if she's vying for his attention too. He'd pick her hands down, and she's the one person I wouldn't even resent for it because she's that wonderful!
If not...I think he's a terrific guy. I really do. After what he did before school started, I couldn't even look at him the same way. Something changed, for the better. I mean, I don't have feelings for him yet, but I probably could if I found out he was interested. It's that kind of thing. I sort of hope I'm his type though, especially since he had a thing for Sam Kaplan last year and she's pretty much perfect. So if he digs perfection, I have some stuff to work on! Again, this is under the "sex" category.

(Okay, Freud really made these categories too general... I'm not having sex, or thinking about having it, with anyone!)

Aggression-wise, I'm over all the things from this summer! I did tell H how much it hurt me to listen to stories about her raging love life when mine was so incredibly slow and empty, and she actually made me feel better about. A lot better actually :)
It was an excellent decision because I didn't feel like a coward anymore for hiding, and she kept explaining all these wonderful things about me. Apparently, I seem more confident this year, and she wishes she could be single like me and enjoy it. I never thought about it that way, but being single and confident is a skill, and I'm proud of myself for developing it! My aggression toward those who love me is gone, and now channeled completely toward school, people who insult those I love, and whores. God I hate whores.

So usually blogging is therapeutic for me because I can get all my thoughts out and make sense of what's going on. Somehow, I was able to do this beforehand, and this post is more an update post. Congratulations to me for getting my act together! Yaaaaaay!

Mona

P.S. I'm really worried for H and her new conquest.
P.P.S I'm really worried for NHS.
P.P.P.S I'm really worried for all my friends and all the drama. I want junior year to be a quiet one.