Harp Girl

Is it odd that I'm dedicating a post to Harp Girl? Maybe.
Not too worried about appearances anymore. It is what it is.
But back to Harp Girl.

Her name is irrelevant. Maddie or Madeline something or the other. The important thing is what she stands for. She's in my gym class, she lent me her shorts once. They were very comfortable. She inspires me.

You may ask why, which only goes to show you've never met her. At the talent show, she played Clocks by Coldplay on the harp, and honest to god, something went off inside of me. It was so incredible, I don't even know how. I shivered, I trembled, I died. Her cover was better than the actual version of the song. And she was under a spotlight and the whole audience was quiet and listening, appreciating.
She owns a chicken or a peace garden or something like that.
She wears long skirts and her hair in pretty buns.
She's kind of quiet, but in the way where her body language communicates enough for her that she doesn't need to speak her thoughts.
When she smiles, its like hugs and hot cocoa; everything about her is so genuine and sweet, simple.

That's right folks, I have a girl crush on Harp Girl. I'm listening to harp covers of Clocks, but I'm just not getting the same feelings. Hmph.

Anyway, the reason she's important to mention is because I've been feeling really unmotivated lately, like a giant question mark. Not particularly about band or school or hanging out with friends, they're all still exciting. I guess in general, I forgot what my purpose is.  I just while away time on my computer listening to music that strikes a chord in me and scroll through Tumblr or the BBC news online. Sometimes I lay back and read books, like with Lolita or the Awakening. These things enhance my general newfound "hipsterness," but the low level of productivity is astonishing.

Don't get me wrong, I love to relax. And this is a necessary ritual for around this time of the school year. But I wish I could be effortlessly cool, like Harp Girl. When I stop putting in effort and just do what I like, I end up smelling bad and looking like shit, painting occasionally. That's what being myself is: a shitpile. When Harp Girl does what she likes, being herself, she plays the fucking harp. When did humanity split off into tubs of lard and harp players? She is not a giant question mark, the world can appreciate her existence easily.

I feel very guilty about this. I don't want to be myself, I want to change whatever that is into something more beneficial to the people around me. Myself is inconsiderate, subject to the use of heavy profanity, and quite frankly annoying (at times). I should be who I want to be, and see where that takes me. And I'd like to be Harp Girl.

NEW GOAL SET.

Mona

P.S. Did I mention she's really pretty too?