Mule.

I have the overwhelming desire to just sit in the corner of my room and spurt out "HEE HAW" every few minutes.
Seriously. Hee Haw. I can't honestly think of a better thing to do right now.

Whoop whoop I'm NHS President. Cool? I guess?
I mean I know I worked (somewhat) hard for this, and I know that I beat out a lot of (more) qualified people, but for some bizzarro reason, I can't accept that this means anything of me. I don't know why. But I don't think I really digest information or the gravity of any situation until I tell B about it. And I still haven't told him about this because I'm not supposed to talk to him. And it's killing me but in a different way than talking to him did.
I'm not sure which type of murder I prefer yet.

Anxiety is a motherfucking bitch and I'm trying to control it, but then I just end up suppressing it and it all comes out at night. So I'm not getting any sleep, which is making it worse, which gets me less sleep, which makes it worse...
I hate these goddamn cycles. Something has to break it which means I really need to just go one day where I can have all the fucking panic attacks I want and let it all out.

Preferably before finals so I don't freak people out and get sent to Linden Oaks in the middle of my chem final?

I'm so glad this is the last week of school, but really there are two days left, I still have two drawings left, six pages of paper to write, psych test to study for (in addition to the final), people to stay away from during this stressful time, and oh having to do new things as prez because apparently I start right away? What happened to January 20th's inauguration? I was prepared for then?

Anywho. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining about my accomplishments and this is not an indirect form of bragging, this is whole and true pressure and anxiety. I'm seriously worried for how much work this position might entail and if I truly know what I've gotten myself into. Oh lord help me.

I also really hate wasting my time for other people. I hate being lonely, but I love being alone. People should leave me the fuck alone. 
I don't feel left out anymore. Wanna hang out without me? SWAG. I honestly could not give less of a shit these days. You're also free to talk about me behind my back if you'd like. I'm actually super okay with that now.

Hee Haw.

Hee Haw.


Mona