Remedial Chaos Theory

As I've learned in chem this year, chaos is actually favored by the universe. Smaller particles are better than bigger particles, exothermic is better than endothermic, and systems will shift in order to maintain equilibrium.

There doesn't have to be any order. Chaos is good.

Combine this with the opponent-process theory that I learned about in psych, and I have a pretty decent explanation why my mood changes like midwestern temperatures.

I'm supposed to hit highs and lows, and life is supposed to be chaotic. Order and decency and decisions aren't meant to be! The universe says so! And who am I to argue with Mrs. Brucker?

Thus, the sentiments expressed in my last blogpost are not as intense anymore, which I'm kind of happy about because that much confidence was giving me a headache. I like being part of the background, I don't want to be the lead player. Not because there's too much pressure, but because I'd rather stand back and watch.

I like people watching. Not in a psychological way, but in a chemical way. People, like chemicals, mix. They interact. (Maybe that's why I like chemistry so much? I like to watch the reactions.)

In fact, I think I could write a damn good essay in which I likened people to particles. The way they react in certain situations, the way a stressor changes the system as it works to maintain equilibrium. Who said chemistry is irrelevant to life? I use it every fucking day. It helps me stay (somewhat) sane when I work with other people.

I think others think I'm weird because of it. They'll catch me looking at them talk or hug or interact in whatever way and think I'm a creep. Maybe I am? I used to keep this in control pretty well, but now that there are other factors to control, I'm starting to come off a little socially awkward.

For some reason, I kind of like it. I can be quiet and watch and I don't care what anyone thinks of me because I'm too busy thinking of them. It's not that I'm judging anybody, believe me, I'm the last person with the right to judge anyone. I mean, I don't think cupric hydroxide is silly or stupid for ionizing in small concentrations. I do, however, wonder why.

Is that chemistry? Is that psychology?
Is chemistry just the psychology of particles? Is psychology just the chemistry of people?

That's why I take art. I make a representation of what I observe so people can see what I'm seeing, so they can see it from my point of view. I use chemicals to give insight to my psychological feelings.

And that is, quite simply, the art of life.


Mona

P.S. I'm not thinking about going into psychology. I just think that chemistry and psychology are the two most relevant classes I've ever taken so far and enjoy applying them to my life.