The regime begins

I think it was the day that Mable came up to me and told me that she thinks I'm attractive. That was the day it all began.

Last Thursday, to be exact. I was bounding out of gym class, flustered and hurrying behind C and Ames who were giddily speaking of important matters, I'm sure. Of course, every time I see Mable, I have to say hi. That girl is a bucket of sugar and nails; how could anyone ever hate her? So I see that she's dyed her hair again and comment on how lovely the turquoise looked, one of my favorite colors on her actually. She told me she was adding pink so she could look like candy. I nearly died on the spot from all the cuteness.

Suddenly, she just stopped talking and looked at me. 

"Dude, I've always wanted to tell you that you're super attractive."

I think C and Ames left by that point, but she took me by the shoulders and repeated it again.

"Seriously, you've always been a very attractive person, but now with the nose ring... what a woman." 

EEK PEEING MY PANTS. I was unsure how to react so I just squealed and twisted and said thank you and squeeed some more. 

"I just wanted you to know that, you know? Because you're so quietly beautiful and it's a quality that not many people have." 

I said thank you again and she smiled and mumbled some more Mable-y comments, but really the deed was done. Somehow, Mable Paloomboo managed to single-handedly accomplish in 3 minutes what a lifetime of friends, various boys, and general population could not do:
Convince me that I'm actually attractive.

Normally, I don't take these kinds of things seriously (sorry, Nut) because girls are programmed to see the beauty in girls they like and flaws in girls they hate. It's just how it works. 

But Mable is different. First off, she's bisexual so she actually means "I'd fuck you" attractive and not just "aww pretty" attractive. And secondly, I know she wouldn't say it if she truly didn't think it. What reason would she have? She doesn't feel the need to prove anything to anybody ever, especially not me. So I know that every word came straight from her bisexual little heart, and that it's about more than just external looks. She honestly thinks I'm an all-around beautiful person, and it's means a lot.

Now, the cause has been explained. But as Mr. Eby would so blaringly point out to me: Where's the effect?

Well you see, I have a Planet Fitness gym membership, and I've been neglecting my health lately. I'm pretty happy with my body, but it's hit me that I feel super sluggish and unmotivated with school work lately. The healthiest way to handle these things is to get exercising and eat breakfast everyday. 

So I've been hitting up the gym and eating and it feels good! So good, in fact, that I'm seeing changes in my confidence and in turn, my interaction with people. Does anyone know Pitstick? Because he's been flirting it up with me. It's entirely possible that he's just one of those people who tends to do that, but it's whatever. He's a cool guy, and I'm just enjoying whatever little coquetry comes my way.

I feel more comfortable around the other people in my classes, more comfortable in my own skin. I'm excited to get lean and fit and happy. and finally for once in my life look good in a dance dress.

I'm hoping that this will spill over into other areas of my life, namely that one. But also school, home life, NHS, piano, a job.

I just feel like I'm worth someone's time other than my own. Like I shouldn't sit around and pine for people who don't see that I'm incredible. Because I don't have to spend all my time alone in a car or a coffee shop or in my room on Tumblr. I can go out and show my face in this world proudly. I may not be the world's most beautiful girl and I may never be, but I'm not too bad. I'm actually pretty okay :)

Thank you for everything, Mable. I am forever indebted to you; you've helped me grow more than you'll ever know. 

Mona 

P.S. This is probably a temporary feeling (knowing me) and I know I still have tons of flaws (especially that one) but I'm gonna milk it while it lasts. Maybe Pitstick really does see something in me. Who knows?