Roxanne

WOO I'm going on a posting frenzy here! But I feel like the past 2 days were so loaded that I need to keep going. I stopped myself last night because it was 12-something and my dad thought I needed to sleep.
First let me share some meaningless disappointments of the day: excel was closed, so I couldn't make up the last of driver's ed. I dropped a glass of water in the kitchen and had to clean it up. I had to restart my computer because it froze. I put my socks in the dryer, got really excited to take them out and put warm socks on my feet, only to go get them out and see that they were still wet.

It's the little things that getcha.

Apathy thy name is goddamn fucking apathy.
I'm so DGAF right now. I don't even know what to say other than ask me how many shits I give.
I wish I could fly. I wish pigs could fly. I want to see all the crazy things that will suddenly happen when they do. New goal in life?

I've been listening to Roxanne all day because I think I need to have a classic song of the day everyday. And I want someone to feel about me the way Sting "felt" about Roxanne. Okay it's super cheesy I know. I'm just saying, in a state of pure apathy, I want someone to love me even if I was the world's greatest whore. Most of the people I know right now, in the male population, would give me the finger if I asked them to hook up. So that sucks complete and total arse.

More about yesterday though. I've realized that I'm kind of a shitty and embarrassing friend. When I was in the car with C and she was mentioning how Elizabeth was giving her grief for spending time with other friends, I immediately felt my freedom was compromised. I didn't owe anybody anything, right? If it bothered E it was her problem, right?

And as soon as I said it, I could feel the effects of it. I hope people don't think I'm a terrible friend. I know I can be sometimes, but I don't mean it. All of my friends mean so much to me and I have no clue what I'd do without them. Trust is something that's earned with me, I don't dole it out and then retrieve it when someone messes up. I don't take risks like that.

My birthday is also coming up, in 12 days actually. As a kid I'd get really excited about this, and I'll admit it doesn't depress me or anything, but it just is what it is. I'm turning 16 yay. Too bad I have friends who turned 17, so this is no longer a big deal. I mean, really it isn't. Have I ever mentioned that no one has ever thrown me a surprise party before, in my entire life? (Which is fine with me because I hate parties about me.) It's because by the time my birthday rolls around, everyone has gotten over the excitement of a new year. 16? Big whoop, we've moved on to bigger and better things like 17 and rated R woot woot. So that's where that stands. I feel young and stupid and hope no one remembers my birthday so I can just quietly slip into it. I hate being the youngest among my friends, it really sucks. Lemme just get my license and take a personal road trip, birthday present to myself. That's all the celebration I need.

Note: It's important to read all of the above in a voice of pure apathy. Zero shits given.

Mona

P.S. I think in real life I don't sound like such a cynic. Is this true? Someone tell me if it is. Because who I am on this blog is the me in my head.